~ Vidal Sassoon is a Fuckin’ Liar ~

Vidal Sassoon is a fucking liar

Let’s face it — we all age — we all turn gray. The vanity in us tries to fight the inevitable and in an effort to stay young we turn to hair dye. I personally like to go dye my own locks because whenever I try to get a professional dye job they fuck it up so bad I resemble Don King.  Typically after screwing up the first time they try to correct it and dye it three more times, #messedupshit , and I wind up leaving after five hours with three hairs left on my head like crispy bacon.

I have to say though, that Lady Clairol saved my butt when I was out in L.A. My sister took me to this famous hair dresser, “Pierre”, that does the likes of Heather Locklear and Lindsay Lohan. I explained to the guy that I wanted blonde highlights but with one thin streak of red in the front. My sister went next door for a croissant and coffee and by the time she came back the job was just about done. I stared at the train wreck in the mirror with the whole front of my head dyed to a bright fuchsia. I looked like a troll doll!! My sister spit out her croissant in little chunks all over this hot pink horror show. “I can’t let you leave looking like that,” she hysterically laughed. She tells Pierre it looks horrible which offends him and he wasn’t so gentle during the second dying. The end result was a disaster to say the least with me and my sister in tears. On the way home we stopped at Rite-Aid and got a box of Lady Clairol doing it a third time that night. It came out exactly how I tried to explain it to Pierre and it only cost $6 bucks! That and the $200 I blew at Pierre’s’ made it a total of $206 bucks. Oy! Read More

The Water Pistol Fight of the Century

When was the last time you had a good old fashioned water fight out on the front lawn?  A hot day, good food, friends and family all around and somebody suddenly decides it’s a good idea to throw a bucket of water on someone.  Well that requires retaliation of course and before you know it the hose comes out and it’s every man for himself.

Everyone has some sort of water device preference it seems be it a water balloon, your average small squirt gun, those long plastic syringe type thingy’s from the dollar store, a simple hose & sprayer to your major soakers that could pass for Rambo’s weapon of choice.  Recently I was invited to climb into this child’s world of water play and had a “blast”.

It was an aqua-rific battle to the death … well until somebody went runnin’ off cryin’, that is.   My children and their friends got together for an all out “Water War” running around the yard like they were on sugar overload from too many ice pops.    These 3rd graders weren’t messin’ around either – they actually had “rules” to this splashy sport of theirs.   Their main #1 rule was that nobody was allowed to squirt anyone else while they were in the process of refilling their water pistols in the baby pool.  I was amused and impressed with their honor code of  “thou shall not squirt a sibling in the face when their guard is down trying to re-load”.  They whispered their plan of attack with childish excitement to each other while looking for the others.  Hiding in the bushes trying to conceal a water balloon and trying not to giggle was no easy task for them that’s for sure.  Ambushing a loved one hiding behind the family car with a tank-full of cold water in a super soaker takes skill I observed. Read More

The Motel 6 for Rodents

smirk rodent caro nelson falcone

Spring has been threatening to arrive all winter and has finally done so.   Unfortunately my cottage has become the Motel 6 for rodents during this past winter. Along with the budding trees and flowers comes the inevitable yard clean up.  This is when I take stock of any household damages my little cottage suffered withstanding the winter and rodents. This year it was Rodents 3, Carol 0. You see, living out in the woods has its benefits enjoying the wildlife around you but sometimes it can be a human vs. animal battle reminiscence of Bill Murray and the rodent in “Caddyshack”. As I recall it didn’t end well for Murray’s character.

Through out the last few months we’ve been the home of rabbits, skunks, squirrels, mice, spiders and a snake. They apparently thought my abode looked pretty cozy for the winter and hunkered down. Cleaning out the garage was more like going through Wild Kingdom except I wasn’t in a car. Apparently the snake that lives in my garage hibernated all winter and broke our roommate agreement regarding the section of keeping the mouse population down. Mickey & Minnie Mouse opened up a saloon in a corner of the garage amongst some boxes. They musta’ put on one helluva variety act for half of the Pide Piper’s drunken rats it looked like. Read More

Nervous Breakdown

smirk nervous breakdown by carol nelson

About time for a nervous breakdown?

National Cereal Day

~”I’m Cuckoo for Coco Puffs!” ~

Ah… National Cereal Day.  Who doesn’t love cereal?  I’m so cuckoo for coco puffs I could eat them 24/7! I’m pretty positive Adam sat around dunking his donuts in some milk when Eve had the great idea of crumbling it up in with the milk, threw a slice of banana on it and BAM – cereal was invented.  My health nut brother’s blog says that he’s into a new kind of cereal called Kashi rocks and sticks or something — and it got me thinking about how generally most people enjoy a good bowl of cereal.  Any combination of sugar, crunch, grain, fruit, nutty, yummy confection variety that could be concocted has been the staple of the American population since the beginning of time.  Captain Crunch, Cheerios, Lucky Charms, Grape Nuts, Frosted Flakes — just gotta love ‘em.

Cereal is amazing any time of the day and fills the void with hardly any prep work.  Any avoidance of cooking when you’re flat out starving and don’t have time is a good time for cereal.  Kids driving you nuts when you’re in the middle of something? “Go eat a bowl of cereal — that should hold you till dinner.”  My motto is if it’s cheap, tasty and easy, we buy buckets of it.  Middle of the night and you can’t sleep?  Cereal to the rescue. Read More