Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Relationship Handicapped

~ Dating Nightmares ~

~ Valentine’s Day should be called Anti-Singles Day ~

~ Forget You, and Forget Her Too ~

~ Fiancé #1, Fiancé #2, Fiancé #3 ~

~ My Honeymoon with My Sister ~

Chapter 2: Domestication is the 7th Ring of Dante’s Inferno

~ The Multi-tasking Juggling Act ~

~ Disorganized Domestication ~

~ The 9 Month Mile ~

~ Potty Training – The Other Evil ~

~ The Apron Strings of Motherhood ~

~ I’d do anything for Love but I won’t Sew that ~

~ A Treasured Toy ~

~ The Sibling Rivalry Dance ~

~ Even the Tooth Fairy is on Unemployment ~

~ I’m Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs ~

~ Her Cooking could Kill a Horse ~

~ You gave the Homeless, Heartburn? ~

~ Scooby Doo, Where are You? ~

~ Stupid Laundry or Laundry Stupid? ~

~ The Taming of the Underwear Drawer ~

~ Sock it to Me ~

~ In Celebration of the Almighty Hair Dryer ~

~ Supermarket Soap Opera ~

~ Home Parties gone Wild ~

~ The Adult Sippy Cup ~

~ Let the Games Begin ~

~ For whom does the Dentist Drill whir? ~

~ The Plight of the Thumb Sucker ~

~ Disney or Bust ~

~ Camping up a Thunderstorm ~

 ~ Time to pull out the Fat Clothes ~

~ Back to School ~

~ Here Comes the School Bus ~

~ Homework Hell ~

~ A Junk Drawer Life ~

~ Battle of the Tag Sales ~

~ Water Pistol Packin’ Mama ~

~ Is there a Snake in the Bed? ~

~ The Motel 6 for Rodents ~

 ~ Death by Pow

Chapter 3: ‘Tis the Season’

~ Halloween: More Tricks than Treats ~

~ Time to git ‘yer Pie on ~

~ Falling for the Festival ~

~ Look out, Bambi, its Hunting Season ~

~ Beware of Black Friday ~

~ The Christmas that went Awry ~

~ Bad Gift Givers… Ho, Ho, Flippin’ Ho! ~

~ Sleighriding should be an Olympic Sport ~

~ New Year’s Resolutions, Figgie Pudding & Therapy, Oh My! ~

~ The Winter Blah, Laundromat Fight, Attack of the Owl Kingdom Story ~

~ I got Married by a Groundhog ~

~ Don’t ever Spray Disinfectant on the Blarney Stone ~

       ~ April Fool’s Baby ~

   ~ Burn, Baby, Burn ~

~ Bathing Suits are nothin’ but Evil in Spandex ~

 ~ The Ice Cream Man ~

~ A Fun Time with Explosives ~

~ “Hot dogs, get ‘yer Hot Dawgs, Here!” ~

~ Row, Row, Row your Boat ~

~ Death by Powdered Sugar ~

Chapter 4: The Family that Stays Together get’s Awfully Squirrelly

~ My Grandpa was a Muskrat ~

~ Life in the Emergency Room ~

~ Adrenaline Junkies are Hazardous to your Health ~

~ Uncle George Milked a Bull Once ~

~ Don’t ever call me ‘Shorty’ lest you want your Knee Caps bit clean off ~

~ The Incurable Shopping Disease ~

~ What Big Eyes you have, Grandma ~

~ An Automobile Love Affair ~

Chapter 5: Random Thoughts of a Mid-Life Meldown 

~ Welcome to the Mental Breakdown Portion of your Life ~

~ It’s Always Something ~

~ What the Hell? ~

~ These Peeves are no Pets ~

~ Hey, no cutting in line, Lady ~

~ The Difference between Men and Women ~

~ The 25 Year Reunion ~

~ Mommy needs Sleep ~

~ I don’t have time to be sick ~

~ Vidal Sassoon if a Fucking Liar ~

~ Hairdo by Edward Scissorhands ~

~ Blind as a Bat with Reading Glasses ~

~ Changing the World one Shower at a time ~

Chapter 6: The Daily Grind

~ What’s with the Cops lately? ~

~ Stick ‘em up, Lady ~

~ DMV = Damn Moronic Vultures ~

~ The Car broke down ~

~ Dear Pen Pal ~

~ The Worst Interview Ever ~

~ Junk Mail Massacre ~

~ Somebody, pick up the Phone ~

~ Don’t step on my blue suede shoes ~

The Finale:

~ Front Porch Living ~